Winter's Caper
by Valkyrie Lupin
Summary: It's a dance that's been going on longer than they know. But they have got to hope, to believe because that's all they have got to hold onto her.
1. Winter's Caper

**A/N: **I wrote this based on some random lines that manifested in my head. So if you find discontinuity in the story, that randomness is the culprit. (And the quote's a modified piece of one of my original works. It's called Beyond Shooting Stars.) Sorry! But here it is, enjoy! Hope you like it! Please review!

*Hugs to all readers and reviewers!*

_**ANONYMOUS REVIEWS ARE ACCEPTED!**_=

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**WINTER'S CAPER  
**_Beyond shooting stars.  
That's what it would take. For peace, for freedom... for home._

Mikan sat watching the first snowfall of the year. But all she could feel was the cold, the all-pervading numbness.

"Hey, Polka," his hoarse whisper was to the right of her.

She's still silent. He's worried and doesn't know what to do. It's been like this for so many, _many_ days. What a terrific pair they must be! He sitting there, scared, she, reeling away faster than he can even glimpse.

"Mikan, what's wrong?"

That's all he could say for god knows how long. He's slowly losing track of days. Losing track of her too, but heck, she's been gone longer than the time they first met so what's the point of mentioning it?

It has become an endless chant, "Mikan, Mikan, Mikan, _Mikan, Mikan, MikanMikanMikan_..." that in itself has become a charm to hold on to what she once was. The idea of her more like. Because the deeper Hotaru, Ruka, Yuu and Koko delve into her past, the longer Natsume sits here, pleading for her to return, they get more disillusioned of her. Not in a bad sense, rather they realise the endless tangle, the continuous dance she's been pulling and spinning to hold herself together. All of it to keep them safe.

Anna, Nonoko, Mochu and the rest know that something's wrong with her but there's nothing more they can do. They visit her every single day, trying, trying so hard that she should respond and tell them to stop worrying but all Natsume observes is louder pleads, mild screams and the quiet acceptance that maybe, _just maybe_ there's nothing they can do.

She can hear them all, their tears, their hopes, their pleas but how does she go back? How does she face them in the light of the atrocities she has committed? Maybe it was for the sake of saving them, _saving Natsume more like, her conscience spits_. What do you call a conscience that whispers all your misgivings and failings day and night? But she's pulled herself into this bleak cell and she's got to get herself out.

Hotaru's burning daylight to get to the core of this. It's been three months and she's still catatonic. Hotaru's never learnt the meaning of futility. But day by day as this goes by, she's beginning to see why people give up. Ruka's looking pale as if someone had wrung him out once too many times and hung him out to dry and Yuu doesn't look any better. Koko's pale imitation of Mikan's smile has been wiped clean as if it was never there to begin with. They are all worried that just maybe they have hit a wall.

And it goes on, this dance, this caper around the fragile glass field of what once was Mikan. Natsume trying to salvage the shell of Mikan, the rest finding the missing pieces of her and Mikan trying to hold it all together.

But spring's about to come and there's finally a glimmer of hope.


	2. Coming Home

**A/N: **This was a spur-of-the-moment piece. Which means it would not be as good as Winter's Caper. But please tell me how you you find it._ PLEASE?_ But here it is, enjoy! Hope you like it! Please review!

*Hugs to all readers and reviewers!*

_**ANONYMOUS REVIEWS ARE ACCEPTED!**_

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**COMING HOME**

_Ren Arwydd_

_Maybe there's darkness in these times,_

It's not fairy tales that Ruka's clinging on to. It's more like gypsy charms, four petal clovers and snowdrops that he's seeking for but all he can find is broken mirrors, endless rows of ladders and bouquets of black roses. He would be lying, _not wholly at least_ if he said his concern for Mikan was personal. Natsume's not faring well, he's slipping down a mountain that he's finally reached the top of. He's merely existing now, without the comfort of her eternally beaming smiles and chiming laughs.

_Maybe it's time to pack up,_

Mikan is still struggling. Still coming to terms with the fact that it is possible she's finally lost her way, lost her soul, _lost her heart_. She's still hoping though, praying that salvation's finally going to land in her palms, kneeling at the feet of stars because they are the only conceivable saviours she can hold on to. She's crawling, creeping, tumbling her way to home. It's not an easy walk, it's not expected to be for she's keeling in agony, falling into pits of misery and clambering out of it only for the whole thing to rewind. But it's nearing the end of the exodus.

_To move on,_

"Natsume, you have to take a break," Sumire sits opposite him.

"Natsume, c'mon you need to get out. It's killing you, sitting here and watching her lose her way. It's pulling you into the same cesspit too." It's all hot air and empty syllables though because he doesn't listen. When has he ever obeyed what anyone said? He's got to believe that it's all gonna end because if it doesn't, _how does he go on_?

_I never meant to leave you,_

They can't find anything concrete, nothing solid to hold on to. All they find as they delve deeper and deeper into this whirlpool, is the vague shadows, formless spectres and underlying currents of dark things. They can't do anything more, Hotaru realises one day. That's the day she curls up in a small ball after breaking Amanatsu into worthless rubble, what it should have been from the start. What's the point of having the imitation when the real thing's slowly ripping up your remaining tatters of hope?

Yuu and Koko's not willing to give up. They have gone the opposite road and this is driving them mad. If she does not come around soon, everyone's going to lose sanity. That's already happening, what the heck, it feels better slowly losing it, because it means losing the ability to feel.

_But I didn't realise it till it's done and gone,_

He's sitting beside her in her favourite spot. The half dead clearing the Dangerous Abilities used to use as a training ground. It's not what you would expect of her to like but she told him that it held an affinity for her.

"Isn't it rather depressing?" he asked her a long, long time ago.

"Maybe. But I don't see that. It's also the place where you get the best view of sunsets and the best place when it's winter. It's essentially as if all that beauty hides all this..."

_I promised though,_

Mikan is not sure. But she can finally see the end of this harrowing road that she started on. Just maybe things would be better. Natsume can feel her fingers curl around his. And he doesn't dare look up.

"Natsume."

That one word's convinced she's back for good.

_I will come home._

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**A/N: **About what happened to Mikan, that's a little tidbit for you to interpret and speculate. After all, it's a form of exercise for those little grey cells eh? I am working on it right now, but tell me what you come up with.


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